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His entourage cheered loud and proud for Jesus Moya V during Senior Night at La Serna High School in Whittier on Oct. 4.
But Jesus, 16, a second-year varsity starter, knew one person was missing in the sidelines: his cousin Meme.
If a loss reveals what a person is made of, the passing of his cousin 12 years ago fired in Jesus a drive to live not just for himself, his father Jesse said.
The cousins were inseparable. Jesus was born first, on Oct. 25, 2007, Meme arrived the next day, both Moya boys making their entrance on the same floor of the hospital.
Meme was named after his dad, Armando.
“At first, he responded to little Mando, but later only responded when we called him little Meme,” his cousin said. “Maybe it was his way of being his own person.”
Meme was always unapologetically himself. Their fathers were into the fighting technique grappling, as well as wrestling and martial arts such as jujitsu. They allowed their boys to tumble and wrestle together, watching as they tussled, got bored, played with toy cars, then scuffled together again.
“They never got mad at each other, it was something they did while sometimes laughing and giggling,” Jesse Moya said. “Our boys did everything together.”
Jesus recalls days spent at their Nana’s house, laughing, playing and sharing dino chicken nuggets.
“I remember one time we had an air mattress and Meme was sitting on the edge, when my sister and cousin jumped on the opposite corner of the mattress, causing Meme to go airborne. He threw up afterwards, but he was okay, he said.
“Another favorite memory is the birthday parties we shared, since I was only one day older. We shared a cookies and cream ice cream cake.”
When Meme was about 2 years old, his family noticed he wasn’t hitting milestones like Jesus was.
“He would walk and stumble and his gait was off, he didn’t walk steady,” his uncle said. “He would bang into walls and doorknobs. But he ran and played with the kids the best he could.”
Testing brought a devastating diagnosis: mitochondrial myopathy. Meme’s mother and grandmother were carriers for the genetic disease that causes muscle weakness and an array of related symptoms.
By the time the two cousins started kindergarten, Meme had to wear a soft helmet to protect him from falls. He hated the protective headgear until Jesus, Jesus’ sister and Meme’s older sister put stickers all over it and proclaimed the helmet cool. Then they did the same thing for Meme’s walker.
“I still remember him with his helmet on and some of those darn stickers half dog-eared, blowing in the wind,” Jesse Moya said.
From the start, Moya and his wife Norma encouraged their son to watch over his cousin. At Mulberry Elementary, Jesus sat with Meme when he was tired. He carried his cousin’s backpack, hanging it on the rack outside the classroom in the morning and fetching it for Meme at the end of the day.
Jesus asked to bring a packed lunch, the better to spare his cousin a trip to the cafeteria where food trays proved too heavy. The cousins instead sat together on a square rug set on the black top outside their classroom.
Since Meme was not allowed in the playground because of his condition, Jesus stayed put too, never leaving his side.
“I have never experienced such compassion and heartache all in one,” Jesse Moya said. “They thought it was awesome that they were not only cousins, but best friends.”
In 2013, with days to go before Valentine’s Day, Meme insisted he finish his Valentine’s Day cards, even though his mother insisted he had time. Meme died in his sleep that evening. It was Feb. 8. He was 5.
Jesus said he didn’t understand what happened.
“I remember having a lot of nightmares and my parents having to come comfort me,” he said.
In the years that followed, Jesus kept a stuffed gorilla that once belonged to his cousin. On the soccer field, he’d think about Meme watching his games. When he got to high school, Jesus told his parents he wanted to play football.
“He was the second smallest kid on the team,” his father remembers. But Jesus found his niche, becoming a long snapper and playing two years on the junior varsity team.
During his junior year, Jesus chose the jersey number 26 in tribute to Meme’s birthday on Oct. 26. That season, he had close to 100 snaps (zero botched snaps) in a state-winning season. He started on the Lancers team that won the CIF State Division 2-AA football championship, the first state title in La Serna High School’s history.
“Football really helped Jesus to find that passion and love of life again,” his father said.
“Meme not really being able to play sports because of his genetic disease made me want to do this for him,” Jesus said. “I’m really competitive and Meme is definitely the reason why.”
At Senior Night on Oct. 11, attended by family and friends, memories of Meme weren’t far away.
Jesse Moya recalls the day his nephew asked him to be his coach. Meme had just found out his uncle had trained in martial arts.
“The last few years of his life I was his ‘Coach’ but the funny thing was, he would fire me as his coach, randomly,” Moya said. “My offense could have been something as silly as interrupting his cartoons. He’d say, ‘You’re not my coach anymore.’ He has such a character. Later, he’d say ‘Tio, I want you to be my coach again.’ It was always the running joke of him hiring and firing me.”
The Moyas want to raise more awareness about mitochondrial myopathy, which is related to muscular dystrophy. Meme’s 14-year-old sister also has the disease and now uses a wheelchair, “battling every day,” her uncle said.
As for Jesus, he can see a future where he moves on to play football at Cerritos College, transfer to San Diego State and maybe join the Electrical Union or the fire department. If Meme were still around, Jesus said he knows “in my heart we would still be best friends.”
Celebrating their birthdays this week, Jesus said he’s learned grief goes hand in hand with gladness.
In mourning, “it’s best to remember the happy and funny memories you had, that it’s okay to talk and share stories of Meme,” he said.
“This way his memory will continue to live on and when his name comes up in conversation, you don’t just dwell on the sadness you felt from their passing. I know everyone mourns differently, but that’s how I like to remember him.”
Anissa V. Rivera, columnist, “Mom’s the Word,” Pasadena Star-News, San Gabriel Valley Tribune, Whittier Daily News, Azusa Herald, Glendora Press and West Covina Highlander, San Dimas/La Verne Highlander. Southern California News Group, 181 W. Huntington Drive, Suite 209 Monrovia, CA 91016. 626-497-4869.
