When last we saw Shannon Storms Beador on “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” she was done – Shannon loves to say “I’m done!” – after four days in London, where she’d hosted the other housewives to celebrate her 60th birthday.
Turns out she really was, too. As the Season 18 finale begins on Thursday, Oct. 31, we learn that after Shannon left the English countryside restaurant where she and Tamra Judge were once again fighting, she hightailed it back to her London hotel, booked the first flight she could get, and flew home without the others. Ta-ta, loves!
She’s better when we catch up nine days later at the start of the episode. Emily Simpson has invited Shannon, Gina Kirschenheiter, and Jenn Pedranti out for an afternoon of axe-throwing.
Not at Tamra or Alexis Bellino, both of whom should run if ever they see an axe-wielding Shannon approach. But still, housewives and axes are like Malibu rum and Diet Coke: things that never should mix.
Malibu and Diet Coke, of course, is Jenn’s favorite thing. Or, after this episode, her second favorite thing, because when she arrives at Whoop Axe Throwing in Lake Forest she is sporting a ginormous engagement ring from boyfriend Ryan Boyajian. Jenn is engaged, and the rest of this episode will mostly revolve around that.
Alexis and Tamra, meanwhile, are hiding out from Shannon and her axes at Tamra’s house. Alexis also has a new ring, and though she admits it’s not an official engagement ring, she’s thinking she and boyfriend John “Johnny J” Janssen, whom Shannon dated for years before an acrimonious breakup, might soon being headed that way, too.
“I have never been more confident of anything in my life,” John says to the camera as Alexis sits beside him, smiling and nodding her head. “We will be together for the rest of our lives.”
Ah, but tape don’t lie, and “Housewives” producers have long memories. Not that they needed long memories to cue up a clip from John in 2023 expressing his feelings for Shannon.
“I’ve never loved anybody as deeply as I’ve loved her,” he says in the clip as Shannon looks on in those halcyon days of yore before John unhitched his wagon from Shannon.
Alexis decides to throw Jenn an engagement party and she, Jenn and Katie Ginella decide its theme will be Tacky Bridesmaid Dresses. As it begins, Emily and Heather Dubrow are wearing truly tacky dresses, buy they are taken aback at what Katie and Alexis considered gauche gowns.
“Some of these ladies have clothes in their closets we now consider vintage,” says Katie, the youngest housewife, as images from the ’80s and early ’90s of Emily, Tamra, Shannon and Heather flash on the screen. “I was a toddler. I was learning my colors and numbers.”
Tamra tells Gina she has given up drinking, partly out of regret for how ripped she got at Katie’s party a few episodes back, which … OK, you do you, Tamra. Gina tells Tamra she was hurt when Tamra tried to throw her under a figurative red double-decker bus in London, collateral damage in Tamra’s current feud with Shannon.
“Tamra, honestly, is just the type of person that it’s not good enough for to burn down the bridge, she’s going to burn down the entire (bleepin’) town,” Gina tells the camera. “It’s like, ‘I’m going to annihilate you for all your behavior, but let’s not talk about mine.”
After brief spats with Jenn and Shannon – who ISN’T Tamra fighting with? – she and husband Eddie Judge slip out of the party unnoticed.
Shannon, who had walked away from Tamra, having decided she now needs to set boundaries, runs into Katie’s husband Matt Ginella.
“I used to say all the time, ‘I’m done,’ and then I’d come back,” she tells Matt, who looks like he’d just been hiding out somewhere quiet until he could go home. “When I say I’m done now, I mean it. I’m done!”
Matt makes the mistake of engaging with her, asking her if she ever thought about maybe just backing away from conflicts, and this somehow causes Shannon to lash out at mild-mannered Matt. Apparently, she was NOT done with him.
Suddenly there’s a hubbub in the driveway. John, who so far has only appeared a handful of times in camera confessionals, has arrived in a black SUV. Does he plan to enter the party where Shannon is, eh, a little bit emotional? Did Shannon, in addition to her tacky bridesmaid dress, bring along her axe?
Alas, poor viewers, he’s only there to pick up Alexis. Not that Shannon cares a whit, she makes sure to let everyone know.
“She didn’t take my man!” she says like a femme fatale in an old-timey movie. “She took my problem.”
Emily, who’s definitely tipsy at this point, drags Gina in a raised planter to try to peek over the wall at John, what with the rarity of a John sighting and all. She pushes Gina up the wall so erratically that Gina’s tacky bridesmaid dress slides up and Emily falls over into the bushes.
The party ends, but what’s this?! Ominous music plays as “Three Weeks Later” appears on a black screen.
A tearful Jenn shows up at Katie’s house.
“I just (bleeped) it all up,” Jenn cries. “I literally just (bleeped) it all up.”
Did she? We’ll find out next week when the first of three reunion shows arrives on Thursday, Nov. 7. Please leave your axes at home, ladies.